@cjwerleman: Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death.
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@FauxFawx: In 1974 I helped a man called "Falcon" throw a heavy bag into the river.That nite on the news, I learned what it was: 300lbs of used condoms
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long has this been bothering you? Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.
@ErrenMichaels: *logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook