@Jandalize: Microwave broke and I had to cook on the stove like freaking Betty Rubble.
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@iLikeCatShirts: Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck.
@thejessbess: (interviewer): do you have any questions? (me): ya can a werewolf bite really kill a vampire?
@FeralCrone: I'm wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.
@KKBowls: Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in? Dr.: a plastic bag