@Jandalize: Microwave broke and I had to cook on the stove like freaking Betty Rubble.
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@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
@Real_Dick_Head: Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food.
@timdonakowski: Boss: I'm following you on Twitter. Me: Sweet! 'Nother follower! [Days later] Me: Oh wait. Shit.