@YoungNobler: Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate
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@TheToddWilliams: [Thanksgiving dinner] WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp ME: Those are for tomorrow WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla- ME: Black Fry Day
@Reverend_Scott: NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John.
@Midlifecrisis18: My son didn't call while I was on the road today so I'll just be here in my hotel room playing 'Cat's in the Cradle' on repeat.