@TheTweetOfGod: "Miley Cyrus: 'Society Wants to Shut Me Down'". Not down, Miley. Up.
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@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."
@cray_at_home_ma: Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee.
@MatCro: [emergency] [super hero appears] GUY: It's Doesn't-Understand-Rhetorical-Questions Man. Boy, am I glad to see you! HERO: I...I don't know
@junejuly12: BREAKING NEWS Literally to be eliminated from the English language in 2015 Use it while you can, white girls