@TheTweetOfGod: "Miley Cyrus: 'Society Wants to Shut Me Down'". Not down, Miley. Up.
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@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this
@abbycohenwl: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck
@trevso_electric: If you want to know what a girl will look like in 30 years, stop talking to her and show up to her house in 30 years to check on her.
@RobElliottComic: Top Gun was so unrealistic Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle