@markydoodoo: Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.
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@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft
@MrYeager2: Wife: hey take me out tonight. Me: can it wait till tomorrow? Wife: why? Me: because tonight's not garbage night, tomorrow is
@RealSamHarwood: I shouted "the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!" at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour
@RexHuppke: "Let's take a couple dozen over-stimulated children and give them enough sugar to kill an elephant." - inventor of the birthday party