@jamiesont: Millennials are so spoilt with their smartphones & tablets. All we had at their age was the ability to buy property in Central London.
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@AimeeHelene1: Friend: Who's that? Me: Oh...that's crazy Kathy. F: Why do you call her that? Is she funny or something? Me: No. She eats hair.
@Pro_Jones_: Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone.
@awkwardphilippe: [Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds.