@DimpleThakkar: Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.
@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
@Parentpains: Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.