@DimpleThakkar: Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze.
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@ericacanrant: 911? Yes, I was making donuts and... yes, donuts... yes, I'll hold. DAMN YOU GUYS ARE FAST!
@platinum2000: "If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs.
@secondofhername: If you reply with "sky" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless.
@BwanaChris: My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer