@DimpleThakkar: Million dollar idea: an alarm clock that plays Nickelback if you hit snooze.
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@bullfrog_1979: Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
@DaHess1: I have an outstanding credit score and even know a dude named Tanner but I'm still not white enough to drink pumpkin beer.
@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
@CherBear162: I would never get a minivan because I can't even think of 7 people I'd want to be stuck in a vehicle with.