@juliussharpe: Million dollar idea - an app that connects you with other people eating beef jerky in their car.
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@electrolemon: i wanna see the masterchef jr deleted scenes that HAVE to exist of gordon ramsay calling a kid the c-word for trying to julienne a snickers
@BGH70: I often wish that gravity was a more selective force regarding who it kept on this planet.
@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"