@mrtruthandsoul: Million dollar idea: let's start a Twitter swear jar
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do.
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@stockejock: You'll sleep when you're dead?...that's adorable. Well, I'll lose weight when I'm dead, so pass the doughnuts.