@tigersgoroooar: Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
@gkaluma: Why are government cars always in a hurry!! That sense of urgency is not reflected anywhere in their official duties.
@stenokel: Jehovah's witnesses are at my door.
*Lights black candles, dons flowing dress, opens door, and says seductively, "Are you the keymaster?"*
@Sickayduh: No, YOU'RE a nary tract infection
@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.
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