@GrowlyGrego: It's like my racist grandpa used to say: "Good morning." That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn't one of them.

@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"

@DaddyJew: Me: in a parallel world I am a huge success Medic: please stop moving your arm so we can get it out of the vending machine

@Tmoney68: At my age, a "stiffy" is just my back when I try to crawl out of bed in the morning.

@bingowings14: I'm just a boy, standing in front of a printer wondering if he forgot to press something.