@SuperApple8: Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
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@CIAGoFundMe: 2008: listen high school sucks for a lot of people but in a decade you'll be making good money, probably have a wife 2018: you're in an online feud with DaCumGuzzler69
@JimmerThatisAll: Sure, make fun of my cargo shorts but sooner or later you're going to need a martini shaker or a map of 11th century France.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: ugh I hate this slow cooker SLOTH [still putting his apron on] I hate you too, Sharon
@generaldietz: Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir.