@SuperApple8: Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
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@ibid78: [goes back in time to murder baby Hitler] wow long line of people here to kill him [goes back to murder myself] how is this line even longer
@KentWGraham: You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.
@jordan_stratton: Just once, I'd like to sleep as deeply as a cartoon sheriff whose keys are dangling seductively from his belt.
@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.