@SuperApple8: Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
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@AndyRichter: HEADLINE: Recent Studies Show Old White Dudes Possibly Becoming Obsolete. "This is bad for everybody," say Old White Dudes.
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: You're late! You shoulda been here two hours ago! Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?
@AristotlesNZ: This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck.
@carlyken: "I'm a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow." -everyone on Facebook