@TheToddWilliams: Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by corruption and voter fatigue
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Sorry I got drunk and ate all the bacon. Wife: You ate Beggin' Strips. *me to the dog* Sorry I got drunk and ate all of your bacon.
@thepunningman: [date] Clark Kent: I propose a toast *they take their glasses off the table* Lois Lane: omg it's Supertable!
@Aspersioncast: If I've learnt anything from Zombie movies it's that people meat is pretty damn stringy.
@RuinMyWeek: [God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say "when" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*