@Kyle_Lippert: MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.
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@TheDairylandDon: If I hear people screaming, I always go check on them. Not because I'm nosy or some kind of hero. There might be ice cream.
@ComedyAndTruth: Hello it's 911, what's your emergency?" "Two boys are fighting over me" What is the problem with it? "The ugly one is winning."
@salamingia: My wife said I'm picky. I said obviously not picky enough. Anyone need a roommate tonight?
@Discourt: My toddler is legit angry at me because I wouldn't let her jump out a second story window today. This is why you need birth control ladies.