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@NoChillPosts: MIND BLOWN
@MaryKoCo: Fun: text friend Are you alone right now? They go Yes. Then u text back LOL
@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation]
Can I buy your best stuff?
DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff?
*talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
@HiddenPinky: Guy 1: I do a poor impression of Sean Connery.
Guy 2: Shame.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Olympic Swimming]
CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they're kicking it.