@NoChillPosts: MIND BLOWN
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@leechee420: I'm sorry sir, your wife didn't make it. Was it *sniff* the lack of prayers on Facebook? Yes sir, I'm afraid it was.
@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.
@TheCatWhisprer: [1 of 4 car accidents caused by texting & driving] PEOPLE: won't be me [1 in 292 million chance of winning powerball] PEOPLE: you never know