@ABurgerADay: Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it's a small soft drink.
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@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
@onion_an: Me: I was so happy before I lost my forearms in that shark attack Therapist: How do you feel now? Me: With my elbows
@TheBoydP: So let me get this straight, she shot someone through the heart and the worst thing you can say about her is that she gives love a bad name?
@UnfilteredMama: Toddler: *babbling nonsense* Me: Ok, got it! Narrator: But she did not “got it” And this would make the toddler very angry.