@iscoff: Mirror mirror on the floor, who's the worst at home decor?
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@schumoo: When I was a kid I vowed that when I grew up my freezer would always be filled with ice cream bars. Meet my wife, the dream killer.
@bourgeoisalien: Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.