@noog: Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous
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@CatherineLMK: "Remember that man you met for 5 seconds when you were 2 months old? Let me catch you up on his medical history" -my relatives
@KeetPotato: wife: "remember when i said you were too friendly all the time?" me: [making cup of tea] "no im not" burglar: "two sugars please"
@sploosk: The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground