@ceejoyner: Misinterpreted some rabbit prints in the snow and told my scout troop to look out for babies running at 35mph.
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@MableGertrude: If I was a bodybuilder I would slather up with grease and slide to work instead of driving to save money.
@MomOnFire: Big Foot rental costumes are surprisingly realistic and terrifying at 4am around the bonfire at the party I wasn't invited to.
@truegritrumble: So my wife discovered I keep writing "please help me" in the memo line of all my personal checks and now I'm not allowed to have checks.