@ceejoyner: Misinterpreted some rabbit prints in the snow and told my scout troop to look out for babies running at 35mph.
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@TySmithdrums: I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it
@michaelianblack: Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?
@MrDelFreaky: So, nothing rhymes with orange, huh? *changes name to MC Orange, wins every rap battle, and retires undefeated*
@joejwest: ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair YOU: Ok ME: [drinks from toilet like dog] YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses