@ceejoyner: Misinterpreted some rabbit prints in the snow and told my scout troop to look out for babies running at 35mph.
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@fsuflores: I feel so bad for all these women that give me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected This economy is ruthless.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@SortaBad: Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks