@Thunderhunk3000: Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
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@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
@1Happytwit: Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
@AnnDabromowitz: When I'm CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
@Majorboobage: 9: Dad, did you know that in some cultures the groom doesn't even know the bride until after they're married. Me: That's every culture son.