@Thunderhunk3000: Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
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@AlexvanBeek: I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces.
@droidbears: [caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit
@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.
@neiltyson: Getting straight "A"s does not guarantee success, but plenty of evidence shows that not getting "A"s doesn't preclude it.