@1_swarthy_dude: Missing area man described as boringly conventional, was easily found by multiplying height x width.
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@HeyZeus666: I don't suffer insomnia like most tweeters do. I always get a solid 7, maybe 8 minutes of sleep every night.
@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
@shutupmikeginn: I lied and told someone, "I can't go to your party I have diarrhea." I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me