@boring_as_heck: MISSING: SUPER ADORABLE PUPPY. WILL COME IF YOU PLAY WU-TANG HELLA LOUD. THIS IS NOT A PLOY TO GET THE NEIGHBORHOOD BUMPIN', THE DOG IS REAL
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@andylassner: If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story.
@Beesthegame: [Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering.
@Dawn_M_: I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses.