@lynyrdsbackyard: Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.
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@joelu72: DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations ME: oh LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Whatcha doing on the PC? Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT?!? D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
@FattMernandez: I saw a car with "Wash Me" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!
@ch000ch: a fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say "they've escaped. don't run. just walk very fast."