@Tmoney68: Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower.
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@RandomRamblr: [Sunday morning] *congregation of Catholics disagrees with priest and walks out of church* - mass unfollowing
@TravLeBlanc: I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.
@CornOnTheGoblin: "Did you remember to take the dog out?" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS
@iAmDelFreaky: They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* "OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!" *dies smiling*