@krishna_van: Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'.
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@hunz74: "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" Me: "Sometimes?" "Are you smarter than a 16 year old?" Me: "Always."
@juliussharpe: I like to pretend I'm on "American Idol" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot.
@BlazedDonuts: The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*