@krishna_van: Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'.
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@YourAnMoron: It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard.
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
@good_fats: forrest gump (1994): this film gave me very unrealistic expectations of what my life would be like as a huge idiot. 2/10