@robfee: Mitt Romney announcing he’s not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won’t be a sequel to Mortdecai.
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@food_shoes_life: Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the Mexican restaurant.
@bobbiejo448: 5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world.
@Xalqee: When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?