@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain
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@LuckoftheDraw86: Me: hey what's this weird lump? WebMD: could be cancer. Me: it's a raisin stuck to my elbow... WebMD: you have two weeks.
@Barknado69: [Sex Shop] Worker: can I help you? Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please
@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?
@RunwayDan: Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you've been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog.