@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
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@Steelers1972: My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I'm starting to think she really doesn't like lunch.
@rockymomax: ME: someone stole my credit card number BANK: why would they spend $187 at a hot dog stand? ME: [hangs head in shame] that wasn't them
@dafloydsta: I lost my job today "What? How?" I just wasn't a good housekeeper "BUT YOU'RE A BEEKEEPER" Well that explains all the screaming
@Bownuggets: HOT LOCAL MOMS IN YOUR AREA ARE WAITING TO TUCK U IN & WILL BE CHECKING THAT TOOTHBRUSH SO GET IN THERE & DO IT RIGHT MISTER