@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
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@joejwest: DAD: Sorry it's not a pony, honey. Best I could do LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared
@trentistweeting: Why hello, dear! "trent, did you bring cue cards to read off of during our date?" Lovely weather! "and did you only bring two?" Why hello, d
@david8hughes: "You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder." "Look, I'm a lot of things--" "Are you a murderer?" [bites lower lip] "Little bit."