@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
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@kelkulus: I like how Subway sells "healthy footlong" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot.
@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."