@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
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@TheAverageShark: Swim swim swim breach surface fly through air catch seagull swim nom nom nom swim swim
@ArfMeasures: ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories
@pizzajaynow: When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home.