@briangaar: Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.
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@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: "How do babies get out of bellies?" ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: "How do babies get out of be---"
@djderk: Suicide terrorists: jokes on you! Virgins totally suck. Have fun jerking off while she cries.
@TheCatWhisprer: Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?