@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
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@astutenewf: My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark.
@wittwitbarista: Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokémon players? 2) do I care?
@IAmMaggieMull: The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me.