@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
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@BoozeWallet: [Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit
@uncle_fescue: Interviewer: so your last job you worked in IT? Me: no, it says "worked it" I: worked what? [disco ball drops] [rips off pants] Me: "it"
@SoVeryBritish: British seasons: Spring: Two months Summer: Eight minutes Autumn: Three weeks Winter: Seven years