@JustLikeMikee: Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent
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@AimeeHelene1: Wait, what's that noise? Is there a dying cat outside? Oh...no...it's just a 50 yr old man racing a remote control car down the road.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Hi, I'd like a Junior McChicken and a cheeseburger please." "$3.23." "Oh, and a bottle of water." "$87.54. Please drive thru."
@bholejuice: When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don't like, I just say "oh yeah, that's where that really cute girl works". Problem solved.
@Parkerlawyer: Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating. Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.