@JustLikeMikee: Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent
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@SortaBad: *Someone sends me a 4 minute video* me: [42 seconds later] wow that's so awesome thanks for sharing!
@MarylandMudflap: Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper "I know it's been you shitting in my yard."
@JB4Realz: WIFE *stuck on crossword puzzle*: I need a four-letter word for "Identical". ME *also stuck on crossword puzzle*: same.