@AmishPornStar1: Moist people aren't offended by the occasional typo.
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@david8hughes: [Joseph & Mary answers door to god] "Mary, you're looking well." [Joseph puts arm around Mary & raises an eyebrow] "Jesus, your dad's here."
@owlcity: If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap.
@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
@AGreaterMonster: Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong.