@AmishPornStar1: Moist people aren't offended by the occasional typo.
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@Zombieionism: Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year.
@RamblingMachine: Some fairy tales start with "once upon a time". Others start with "If I won the elections".
@NicestHippo: [religion conference] BUDDHA: What's your opener? JESUS: "God loves you." You? BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too