@AmishPornStar1: Moist people aren't offended by the occasional typo.
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@KeetPotato: [24hr news channel] news just in.. *director repeats himself into headset* news justin *justin just sits there* READ THE NEWS JUSTIN
@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
@XplodingUnicorn: I tried to explain Pokémon to my 4-year-old. After hearing myself say it out loud, I'm pretty sure I ruined both of our childhoods.