@MattMcElaney: Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters.
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@FeelParmesan: 2000: First cell phone. Downloads 100s of ringtones and custom notifications. 2017: Buys new cell phone. Mutes it right out of the box.
@OffTheHutch: "So send me a picture of you..." *sends* "Look I need to leave very abruptly and extremely forever."
@zakagan: Aliens: WHY SHOULD HUMANITY BE SPARED? Me: whoa ok, you guys have chosen the wrong dude to argue this case