@MattMcElaney: Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Shock_Monster: Ladies: We barely pay attention when you are speaking directly AT us. What makes you think we will pick up on a subtweet?
@TheDairylandDon: Joker: You're endangering a minor Batman: He's my partner Joker: Why's he in his underwear? Batman: So we match. Look, this isn't about me.
@vladsavov: The most popular car brands are German, Japanese, and Italian. It's like losing WW2 is a prerequisite for making good autos.
@Lisabug74: One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now.