@Ameiam: They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone.

@Barknado69: Today I saw "Jesus doesn't care about your grades" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was "Thank god, he'd be pissed"

@goldengateblond: College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.

@JohnLyonTweets: C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.

@TheMichaelRock: You've made a powerful enemy, vending machine holding my candy bar hostage.