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@rachelle_mandik: Mom, can you take us to the maul?
-teen bears, probably
@StrawburyDelite: Apparently, my office doesn't think the women's restroom needs a tampon disposal, so wrapped it up and put it in their suggestion box.
@GreenishDuck: Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
*guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*
@HTXBlonde: "It's funny how red, white, and blue represents freedom until it's your rear view mirror flashing behind you."
@KarenLyneButler: I want Rebecca Black to make a music video for every day of the week!
Said by nobody.
@tayandmae: According to my iPhone 6, I could commit a heinous crime, without using gloves, and have a different fingerprint just minutes later