@UNTRESOR: Mom. Dad. I like my coffee like I like my women. I don't like coffee. I'm gay.
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@Rollinintheseat: When I go to a restaurant, I stare at the menu for 10 minutes, and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times I've been there.
@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
@InternetHippo: “What attracted you to our company?” Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work