@UNTRESOR: Mom. Dad. I like my coffee like I like my women. I don't like coffee. I'm gay.
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@AnOrangeSNES: "Sir, is this gluten free?" The waiter nods happily "Great," I shout as I collect gluten in a giant vat, "I'm building a gluten fort!"
@JustUnstableMe: Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job
@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?