@sskylark: mom did you say we had four bouillon cubes or four billion cubes
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@DanMentos: Q. Why are ghostbusters afraid of bridges over small rivers? A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams
@MatCro: ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home] GF: WHY ARE YOU IN SO LATE? E: Honey, we've talked about this. GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?
@joshgondelman: I'd have more sympathy for Sony's alleged loss of $200 million if that weren't the cost of like three large popcorns at any movie theater.
@Reverend_Scott: "I'm soooo tired!" [lays down in bed] "I'm soooo comfortable!" Bladder: Sup bro