@jenlaw_11: Mom I'm running away! No I don't need a jacket! Mom no I'm fine I don't need a jac- mom! No I don't need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!
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@onion_an: Interviewer: Have you worked in a fertility clinic before? Me: No [nervous because it's my 1st interview] Me: But I used to be an embryo
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.
@Steelers1972: Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel
@ericsshadow: Doctor: How long have you been in pain? Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997