@bazecraze: Mom is coming to town. I get three full days of mouthing apologies to waiters.
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@mattsurely: [couch shopping] Wife: Eh, you married to it? *a bead of sweat trickles down my brow as I hope she doesn't notices the couch's wedding ring*
@BradBroaddus: It really creeps me out the way my neighbor stares at me when I'm looking through her window.
@jazmasta: *i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* "Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.." *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*
@briangaar: See those guys? They apply ordinary grammatical structure and natural flow of speech, rather than rhythmic structure. They're real prose.