@AaronFullerton: "Mom, look! Look! Are you watching, Mom?!"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OtherDanOBrien: [Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles "how to defuse a bomb"* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*
@DannyZuker: As my friend confessed, "My teenage daughter never even talks to me," I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
@llvvzz: What woman say right before they kill you: Wow. Fine. Whatever. No problem. I'm not mad. Nothing's wrong. Sure, stay friends with your ex.
@KevinBuffalo: *placing Trump & Hillary signs on my lawn Neighbor: "Confused about who to vote for?" Me: "What? No! I'm making a Halloween haunted house."