@ElgatoEsmio: Mom said angels are watching over me I'm just afraid they're taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
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@RobDenBleyker: This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit
@djdarrellripley: Her: I like dangerous sex, like in a moving car! Me: Have you ever had an accident? Her: No, I'm on the pill. Me: (Sigh)