@JediGigi: Mom said I should only date "a good man" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.
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@DaHess1: Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Movie theaters that charge kids 3 and under $500 per ticket.
@mattZillaaaa: *lays in bed for 12 hours I guess I'll get up now *walks over to couch & lays down
@WilliamAder: The shoulder belt retractor suddenly locked up this morning and now everyone in my car pool knows my safe word.
@Book_Krazy: Me: Do you have any dreams? Him:...I'm running on a giant hamster wheel and a squirrel wearing a tuxedo comes... Me: ASPIRATIONS YOU IDIOT