@iwearaonesie: MOM STOP LICKING YOUR FINGER TO CLEAN MY FACE I'M IN A GANG NOW
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@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father
@DrawingShadows: Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
@Sarcasticsapien: Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard.