@anbrll00: Mom told me to quit calling the postman a mail escort.
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@SaulOdenkirk: Boss: You drink everyday and I think you need an intervention.. Me: I work everyday so I should quit that too? Boss: No.. Me: Good talk
@lisaxy424: [show about dog training] Narrator: a yellow ribbon on her leash indicates she is not to be socialized with Me: where can i get one of those
@JohnLyonTweets: No, autocorrect, I'm not "pooping" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it.