@anbrll00: Mom told me to quit calling the postman a mail escort.
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@jctwritesstuff: *walks past yoga studio* *looks in window* *eyes widen* Awesome. It's like kindergarten. *walks into class* *unrolls mat* *takes a nap*
@internetluke: [sex ed in middle school] Teacher: "Today we are having sex ed" Ed: hell yeah we are! Teacher: "Education"
@LizHackett: Some guy tried to cut me off in traffic and I screamed, "I'm wearing a sports bra to a business meeting, I am afraid of nothing!"