@baconacid: Mom u can stop cutting the crust off my bread now im in a gang
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@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Over 23.6% of relationships fail because one of the partners doesn't like The Princess Bride.
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] SEXY GIRL: Wanna go back to my house? ME: That's ok, thanks, I have my own house [3 days later] ME: [spits out coffee] DAMN IT
@_Tempo11: [voice recognition in car] Car: "please say a command" Me: "call Tim" Car: "calling Sarah Marcogliese"
@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell "THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!" until I'm kicked out