@HatfieldAnne: Mom used to say the only accessory a fashionable girl needs is a virtuous reputation. But it's bracelets.
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@FrenulumBreve: Teenage Jesus: Hey dad, why you wearing that crucifix? God: It's an idea I have for a public holiday. TJ: Huh? G: It's complicated.
@lilgapeach30: The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!
@ninjadinosaur1: Oh your boyfriend proposed? Well I just realized my new dress has pockets, so I think it's obvious who's having a better day.
@MarkoESQ: Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.