@JohnLyonTweets: Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the hostages!
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@HockeyTornado: I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.
@UberFacts: Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.