@HeyJennyLeone: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!"
@Curt__Burt: Very sad to hear about Donald Trump. Nothing happened to him I'm just sad to hear about him
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview]
Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job.
Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@mynameisntdave: ME: honey, it's really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
@gwatts77: Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
@GeorgeTakei: Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."