@HeyJennyLeone: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!"
@StatusInBeirut: If you think being a vegetarian will make you thin, I direct your attention to cows.
@karenphotog: Like my grandma always says... put more booze in the mashed potatoes
@LetsGet9ined: Man: a pack of condoms please.
Cashier: would you like a paper bag?
Man: no thanks, she's pretty good looking.
@Tmoney68: George H.W. Bush, age 90, went skydiving yesterday.
I'm 45 & I strained my hamstring getting out of my car.