@HeyJennyLeone: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: 911: What's your emergency, sir?
Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being-
911: Please don't do this, sir
911: *hangs up*
@mzyvonne7: There is no "we" in pizza
@rachelle_mandik: [in the insect dissection room]
Your fly is open.
@DannyZuker: "No woman, no cry." - Tarzan breaking up with girlfriend.
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee*
*sets down blueprints for bank*
Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime