@p_net: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?

@TheMichaelRock: Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!

@kenna_bo__benna: PSA: don't write papers hammered and then turn them in like me🙃

@iamk1ts: Definition of Rap Songs: Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

@Cravin4: It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that's when the sporks flew.