@HeyJennyLeone: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!"
@fanofhell: Cop: show us where the hamburgers are, hamburglar
Hamburglar: you've got the wrong guy. I steal ham. You're thinking of hamburgerburglar
@Book_Krazy: Me: OMG, Bill and Cindy got divorced!!!
Hub: I know! He's got a fresh slate. That guys livin the dream!
Hub:...his dream, not mine
@CelebrityChez: There's no law that says you can't use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch.
@Wakenbake77: Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there's a cop hiding in the bushes
@TheMichaelRock: What idiot decided to call it chewing tobacco instead of chewbacca?