Mommy what’s an "Act of God?" Me: *Flashback to my CrossFit trainer* Well dear, an "active god" is in his mid-20s and has a smokin hot body

@murrman5: I sniffed my work shirt to see if it was too dirty. Unfortunately I work at a chloroform factory and woke up 6 hours late for my shift

299

@SkinnieTalls: To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license.

1

@Maxine12339: Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.

80

@GringoBrulee: HR: Do you know why we called you in here today? Me: I'm not taking off my Batman suit, sir.

43

@Robert_Beau: I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.

1

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