@SouthrnPinUpMom: Moms get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
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@sarita6032: I hit 2k followers. Now that I've gathered you all here, I'd like to discuss the benefits of Amway
@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.
@Orchidano: Big day! I've decided to forgive the woman who told me I looked tired at a party three years ago.
@hippieswordfish: ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon