@KellyBXah: Moms, teach your sons to mind their manners, cook a decent meal & look for inner beauty.nnDads, teach your daughters how to throw a punch.
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@LiftHeavyAndRun: @funTweeters you guys are my favorite thing about Twitter. I suggest we get pant less and hug this out like men.
@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"