@shariv67: Moms. The original autocorrect.
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@GlazerBooHooHoo: To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
@jackiembouvier: I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again.
@thelaurenobrien: Sometimes when I'm in the shower I'll hear a strange noise and start singing EXTRA good in case the intruder has some connections.